Thursday, 4 September 2014

Sir Horatio Trumpinghorn's leg

The coffee table is in my living room and is packed with junk high class collectables and I've decided to share with the world the made up stories family histories of some of the pieces.

The Wooden Leg of Sir Horatio Trumpinghorn

Sir Horatio Trumpinghorn, as well as being a distant relative, was a renowned and skilled doctor, specializing in diseases of the rich.  Horatio had begun his working life studying animal husbandry, but had to give it up when they caught him in the act, and he was moved swiftly into a medical career.

In 1803, whilst on a visit to his local tavern to refresh himself with a generous snort of rum, after a particularly gruelling bout of hand holding with Miss Cassandra Bennet, (she sought his reassurance whilst recovering from a bout of flatus after over indulging in a particularly large portion of cauliflower cheese.  He was well known for his skill in reassuring, particularly with the younger ladies within his practise,) when he was accosted by a gang of 3 ruffians who knocked him senseless, with his own walking stick, forced the King's Shilling upon him, and bundled him out of the door and onto HMS Victory.

He quickly gained a reputation amongst the crew, as a first class and speedy remover of legs and other injured bits.  He was popular not least because of the large quantities of rum he administered as an anaesthetic. Unfortunately, time, and a prolonged absence of female company turns many men to drink, and poor Sir Horatio was no exception. He spent most of his days anaesthetised.

Sadly, after a particularly boring day, he overdid it.  In his stupour he seems to have been somewhat confused with an amputation on Gunner Darcy, a victim of a rogue canonball, and sadly appears to cut off his own leg by mistake. When recovered, he fashioned himself a wooden leg from a spare rafter of the Victory which being of true English oak outlasted the poor doctor.  When he died they buried him at sea but forgot his leg, which remained stacked at the back of his locker where it was eventually eaten by woodworms.

The bottle appears to contain, dear reader, the dust from the floor of the Victory, but it is in fact, Sir Horatio Trumpinghorn's leg.

Text and images subject to copyright © Annabel Rainbow.

No comments:

Post a Comment